"Taking the Step In" -- February 22, 2026

 [16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good morning and welcome to Koffee Klatch!

 

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Our discussions are in text and are in the usual C/Q/R format, meaning type "C" if you wish to make a comment, "Q" if you have a question, usually directed at a person's comments, and "R" if you wish to retract either your C or your Q.  If a person has a question for a specific person on what they said, just say "Q @ [name]"

 

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We tend to go in the order received, however, we generally will promote questions directed at a person's comment to the top.  The handy-dandy giant coffee cup in the middle will keep track of the order.

 

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): If a person asks a question of the group, there is no need to put in a "C" to reply, replies to the question will be open.  Just answer, or we'll have a bunch of "Cs" at the bottom.

 

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Please keep further greetings and extraneous talk in IM...otherwise it gets noisy!  Thank you! ♥

 

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The archive for this Klatch can be found here:  https://xaarakoffeeklatch.blogspot.com/  It houses current and many older discussions.

 

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): With that out of the way, we'll begin.

 

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Today our topic is "Entering the Lifestyle"

 

[16:41] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): oooooh!

 

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): along with what appears to be "serious chat lag" *grr*

 

[16:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As we are in a BDSM sim and involved in the lifestyle, I like to do this discussion once a year to let us "trade notes" on how we got involved in the lifestyle.

 

[16:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And whether it's only here in SL or in First Life as well.

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): BTW I do prefer the term "First Life" to "Real Life" as I think we are all real...even though we're 25 forever.... ;)

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): usually...

 

[16:43] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): lol

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So I will start with my story and you can put in a C to tell us yours as I go on

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): My real story of this lifestyle starts in my 20s.  I had some inkling of it before but didn't really know much.

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I might have done some kinky stuff then *cough*...but that's neither here nor there.

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But what I did not know was there was a whole lifestyle around kinky stuff!

 

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): my first voyage into it was good old IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in the 90s

 

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): as there were a lot of people who created kinky channels and were doing text based kinky stuff

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I don't know how many, if any, in the room were on IRC?  Also AOL and other online services had their own adult, kinky chat rooms.

 

[16:47] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): ICQ!

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ha!

 

[16:48] Rhizanthella Neximus (PreciousLove Sabra): irc and mirc and aol and yahoo excite chat

 

[16:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ah yes!

 

[16:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): in the mid 2000s I found SL due to a friend of mine in an online game I was playing doing DJ stuff here

 

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and not long after I found out there was a big kink community that had gone from text based chat to SL

 

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so I started experimenting in BDSM here and had tons of fun

 

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): then around 2010 started taking steps into the First Life world

 

[16:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I found a club nearby due to a student who had written a paper for my Sociology of Deviance class on her experiences in that club!

 

[16:50] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): oh wow!

 

[16:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): it's kind of a longish story so I'll skip that for now lol

 

[16:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyway I started going to these expos the club had, like market parties where vendors would show up and sell their paddles, floggers, whips and such

 

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and there were also "taste test" booths where one could have a little bit of some thing done to them...like spanking, flogging, etc

 

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): that really piqued my interest

 

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so after a few of those I went to a big convention here in Los Angeles, DomConLA

 

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): which is the biggest multi day BDSM event on the West Coast that I know of

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and not long after that joined the local club as a member

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so I've been a full time pervert for 15ish years now

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): both in First and Second Life

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and that's my story of how I got involved!

 

[16:54] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): That's awesome.

 

[16:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'd love to hear yours...and if it's just in SL, don't worry...this is a great place to experience what First Life may not allow for various reasons

 

[16:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so that's still 100% valid

 

[16:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ok Lyrah go ahead

 

[16:54] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): Thank you Vanni.

 

[16:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): hopefully a few more people will pop in!

 

[16:54] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): Am I able to voice, or are we text onlly?

 

[16:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): text

 

[16:55] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): ok

 

[16:55] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): I can tell you how I went from sl submissive to rl submissive.

 

[16:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): oooo yes please!

 

[16:55] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): After discussing and questioning all of my D/s friends for months and months, a trusted dominant finally gave me the advice that was the key to my rl self awakening.

 

[16:55] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): He told me to go on fetlife.com and start joining chat groups and asking questions just like I had been doing in sl and to find a few friends.  Specifically, he told me this, "Go to fet, and find your local munch group and befriend the mother hen.  She will invite you in, and protect you from anyone you need protecting from.  She will also be happy to introduce you to everyone and so you'll have a friend when you go."

 

[16:55] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): So I did.  And it worked!

 

[16:56] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): So I made green bean casserole, put on my chuck taylors and headed over all nervous and all!

 

[16:56] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): And it was an informal gathering where I got to make rope for the first time, and meet abunch of normal people just like me, who happened to have kinks

 

[16:57] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): When I did go to my first munch, just after that, I had friends to talk to from that party

 

[16:57] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): From those connections, I went to my first class at the local play space, and the rest is history

 

[16:57] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): But, for those who are looking to step into the rl from sl

 

[16:58] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): from my experience, meeting that mother hen, was really the key that enabled me to have the courage to step out on my own

 

[16:58] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): and I've been at it for just over 10 years rl now

 

[16:58] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): it's been a blessing.

 

[16:58] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): the end.

 

[16:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): \o/

 

[16:58] RB (RBQuinn Resident):  smiles warmly

 

[16:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Wonderful!!

 

[16:59] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): aw shucks

 

[16:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I should mention that between going to the expos and joining the local club I also went to a few of their munches and Lyrah is spot on...that's the best way to get your toe in

 

[16:59] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): people are so happy to welcome new faces and to give you support

 

[17:00] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): everyone was new once!

 

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): it's a low key event at a place to eat (thus a "munch") and you meet the folks that attend the parties...Our "Mother Hen" was Miss Diana who hosted it

 

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): she has been in the Los Angeles BDSM scene since the 70s

 

[17:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): btw as Lyrah will confirm...if you do go to a local munch, dress in very normal clothing!

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): that's all that's allowed

 

[17:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyone showing up in latex or leather always got us to chuckle lol

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): Grama-friendly attire

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): because it's usually at a local restaurant

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): in a meeting room

 

[17:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): yep

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): and we tip well.

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): the management knows why we're there

 

[17:01] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): and we want to be welcomed back

 

[17:02] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): didn't happen often but once in a while we would get new folks who didn't read the whole announcement .... "Dress in street clothes!"

 

[17:02] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): and you don't mention who attends, because you don't want others outing you.  That's the golden rule

 

[17:02] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): that increased a bit after the 50 Shades movie lol

 

[17:02] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): yes

 

[17:03] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): same with public play spaces.

 

[17:03] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): done.

 

[17:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): there is whole etiquette around attending a club

 

[17:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I give a whole workshop on that!

 

[17:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): how to find one and what to do

 

[17:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): "Moving to First Life"

 

[17:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks so much Lyrah for sharing, I love that you're so immersed in your local kink scene!

 

[17:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Candice you are up!

 

[17:04] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): i actually never released i started some 30 years ago, not knowing it was fetish/bdsm...when i worked on ships, when i came home i joined a local text chat FL..and chatted to some amazing people learning more my likes/dislikes..i started meeting people following the safety code steps..then found on FB sl advertised for learning RP hence i joined and found Xaara and the safety freedom to share and learn keeps me excited and proud to call it my 2nd life home. ~#

 

[17:04] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): I'm happy to share if I can be helpful to anyone.  Thank you Vanni.

 

[17:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That's awesome Candice!

 

[17:05] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): :)

 

[17:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): have you been involved in the scene most to all of your time in SL

 

[17:07] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): i started in gor, found it ummmh less gor than the books i read, and luckily fell into Xaara

 

[17:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): heh heh

 

[17:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I've not spent time in Gor but from what I get even the "By the Book" sims aren't always quite "by the books"

 

[17:08] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): exactly true true Miss Vanni

 

[17:08] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): there are Gorean first life groups too

 

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): A friend found a message board of a local group that was open to read but you had to be a member to post

 

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so I was looking over it and it was...interesting

 

[17:09] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): some locals tried setting up but it was mainly peacock feathers showing

 

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): one thread was where the Masters were debating if their Kajira wives/girlfriends should vote

 

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Most thought no

 

[17:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but one suggested "Yes, but we fill out their ballots for them"

 

[17:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): they liked that idea

 

[17:10] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): nods ego and peacock feathers

 

[17:10] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): bahahaaha!

 

[17:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): quite the interesting bunch!

 

[17:10] ayelara K (GiadaGalatea Resident): giggles

 

[17:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but as long as it's consensual it's all good

 

[17:10] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): indeed Miss Vanni

 

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks Candice!

 

[17:11] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): my pleasure Miss Vanni

 

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ok anyone else want to share their experiences that got them in the scene, either in SL, or also in First Life?

 

[17:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): RB please when ready!

 

[17:13] RB (RBQuinn Resident): So, this is embarrassing......

 

[17:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): no it's not!

 

[17:14] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): this is a safe space Sir

 

[17:14] RB (RBQuinn Resident): 20 years ago my gf at the time showed up one day saying she thought she might be 'a submissive'

 

[17:14] RB (RBQuinn Resident): *winks at Vanni and Lyrah*

 

[17:14] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): !!

 

[17:14] RB (RBQuinn Resident): This is all inside SL, btw.

 

[17:15] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Well, I was aghast.

 

[17:15] RB (RBQuinn Resident): I knew nothing about 'the lifestyle' and assumed the most horrible things about both sides of the slash.

 

[17:16] RB (RBQuinn Resident): But, I'm a supportive guy so I gritted my teeth and we went off to find BDSM

 

[17:17] RB (RBQuinn Resident): As we visited different sims dedicated to various aspects, things started to click in my head, and I could see myself 'in there'.

 

[17:17] RB (RBQuinn Resident): 20 years later..... I still am 'here' :)

 

[17:17] RB (RBQuinn Resident): #

 

[17:18] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): yay

 

[17:18] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): woot!

 

[17:18] Connie (Constanse Levenque):  lifts her arms in the air and cheers quietly

 

 

[09:18] RB (rbquinn) smiles around

 

[09:19] Lyrah Lane: Congratulations, Sir!

 

[09:19] Vanessa Cannoli: What happens is a good number of people (not saying you RB, or anyone here, just in general) find out about BDSM via porn...and think BDSM as portrayed in a porn is what we do

 

[09:19] Lyrah Lane: ... amd Connie!

 

[09:19] Vanessa Cannoli: so they think we're sick and twisted...but porn doesn't show real sex never mind real BDSM

 

[09:20] ayelara K (giadagalatea): smiles,  whispers, "just when I though I was out, they pull me back in"

 

[09:20] Vanessa Cannoli: so when they meet real kinky people and find out we're quite "normal" except when we're having our kinky fun, they realize it's not what they thought

 

[09:20] Vanessa Cannoli: and I think it's quite normal to flog a willing subject anyway...

 

[09:20] Vanessa Cannoli: ;)

 

[09:21] Vanessa Cannoli: so we break the stereotypes

 

[09:21] Vanessa Cannoli: I'm glad you got into it RB :)

 

[09:21] Vanessa Cannoli: And that you and Connie have such a great connection too

 

[09:21] Vanessa Cannoli: Thanks! ♥

 

[09:21] RB (rbquinn) smiles and nods

 

[09:21] Connie (constanse.levenque) smiles and hides behind His leg

 

[09:21] Connie (constanse.levenque): ❤

 

[09:21] Vanessa Cannoli: Back to Lyrah

 

[09:21] Lyrah Lane: Thank you.  You know when I heard about BDSM, before I became a card carrying member, that is, I thought it was people enjoying cruelty, as well.

 

[09:22] Lyrah Lane: What I loved about it, was that it could be planned out

 

[09:22] Lyrah Lane: negotiated

 

[09:22] Lyrah Lane: I could get what I want, and my partner the same

 

[09:23] Lyrah Lane: before I figured it out, I never knew what to expect from a partner, or what he should expect of me

 

[09:23] Lyrah Lane: and I also enjoy the safety of public play

 

[09:23] Vanessa Cannoli: 💯

 

[09:23] Lyrah Lane: that eyes are watching to make sure things dont get out of hand, there are safewords

 

[09:23] Lyrah Lane: I feel much safer practicing ethical BDSM than I ever did in a vanilla relationship.

 

[09:23] Lyrah Lane: done.

 

[09:23] Vanessa Cannoli: Totally!

 

[09:24] Vanessa Cannoli: at the club, we have had only a few times in my experiences there for all these years that anyone yelled "red"

 

[17:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but the few times it did happen, not only the Dungeon Monitor but everyone free went to see what was going on

 

[17:24] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): but that's a good thing

 

[17:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): yes!

 

[17:25] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): you CAN call red when needed

 

[17:25] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): awesome

 

[17:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and people will come running

 

[17:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so it's as safe as it can possibly be made

 

[17:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): sure sometimes mistakes happen, a whip goes out of control for a sec, a hit is a little too hard

 

[17:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but the people have sense to stop and deal with it immediately in 99% of the cases

 

[17:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I agree--- public play is much safer than anything done behind "closed doors"

 

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and yummy to watch too!

 

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): thanks Lyrah!

 

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyone else have a tale to tell?

 

[17:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Hi Ema!

 

[17:28] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): hello Miss :)

 

[17:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We're discussing how we got into the scene

 

[17:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but we may be done ;)

 

[17:29] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): oh for me dead easy :):)

 

[17:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): go for it!

 

[17:29] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): i met Lizzie in fogbound :)

 

[17:29] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): i knew nothing of D/s

 

[17:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ooo bound in the fog

 

[17:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): kinky!

 

[17:30] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): hehehe

 

[17:30] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): but she had a link to mountain biking in her profile so we started talking

 

[17:30] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): and that led to me being owned by her for 8 years !!!:)

 

[17:31] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): nice!

 

[17:31] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): nice Ema

 

[17:31] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): always have an open heart :):) smiles

 

[17:31] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): #

 

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): you never know where that perfect Dominant or sub might be waiting!

 

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks Ema!!

 

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ♥

 

[17:32] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): lexically Miss  i was so full of questions :)

 

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Anyone else?

 

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): oh sure!

 

[17:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): the step in can be scary...but seriously...can anyone really think of just being 100% vanilla after getting involved?

 

[17:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I couldn't

 

[17:33] Connie (Constanse Levenque):  shakes head

 

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): too much fun *giggles*

 

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): last call

 

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyone else?

 

[17:34] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): you can not un learn Miss surley :):)

 

[17:34] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): rolls the drum

 

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Blessed are they that flick the whip for theirs is the Kingdom of Kink

 

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): amen

 

[17:35] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): lol

 

[17:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ok then

 

[17:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): two things...first does anyone that shared today NOT want their contribution shared on the blog

 

[17:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): as this is more personal I want to keep consent

 

[17:35] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): Thank You Miss Vanni, great topic

 

[17:35] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): I don't mind.

 

[17:35] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): thank you for asking,

 

[17:35] Pionika (Pionika Resident): Thank you, Vanessa, for sharing your experiences so wonderfully, and thank you to everyone who shared. It was a very interesting conversation. The time flew by.

 

[17:35]  (Pionika's SV Translator ru>en): Thank you, Vanessa, for sharing your experiences so wonderfully, and thank you to everyone who shared.

 

[17:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): :)

 

[17:36] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): mine is free to share Miss Vanni

 

[17:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so you're all good with the transcript

 

[17:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ?

 

[17:36] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Yes, Vanni

 

[17:36] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): nods happly yes miss

 

[17:36] Lyrah Lane (Lyrah Lane): Thank you for the food for thought!  I enjoyed this today, Vanni.   Thank you everyone.

 

[17:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): everyone knows my story

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Second, starting in two weeks we begin our yearly wind through the BDSM acronym

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): we'll start with "B is for Bondage"

 

[17:37] RB (RBQuinn Resident):  cheers

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so be here to share your bondage kinks *grins*

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): well talk

 

[17:37] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): o.o

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and act if you want lol

 

[17:37] Candice :::HotD::: (CandiceElla Resident): lol

 

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): other than that thanks for a great chat!

"Use of External Communication" -- February 8, 2026

 [16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ok I think we are it today so let's get started

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good morning and welcome to Koffee Klatch!

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Our discussions are in text and are in the usual C/Q/R format, meaning type "C" if you wish to make a comment, "Q" if you have a question, usually directed at a person's comments, and "R" if you wish to retract either your C or your Q.  If a person has a question for a specific person on what they said, just say "Q @ [name]"

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We tend to go in the order received, however, we generally will promote questions directed at a person's comment to the top.  The handy-dandy giant coffee cup in the middle will keep track of the order.

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): If a person asks a question of the group, there is no need to put in a "C" to reply, replies to the question will be open.  Just answer, or we'll have a bunch of "Cs" at the bottom.

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Please keep further greetings and extraneous talk in IM...otherwise it gets noisy!  Thank you! ♥

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The archive for this Klatch can be found here:  https://xaarakoffeeklatch.blogspot.com/  It houses current and many older discussions.

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): With that out of the way, we'll begin.

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): Welcome all to today's discussion!

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): Our moderator for this session will be Vanessa Cannoli

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): The discussion will be run in a C - Comment, Q - Question format.

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): Just type a C or a Q in local to be added to the speaker list.

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): To withdraw your comment type an R

[16:41]  (Coffee Discussion Tracker): If you'd like to enter your words anonymously, just touch this box.

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): today the topic is "Using external communications from SL"

[16:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As we all know, living in the 21st Century, we have all manner of instant communication with each other.

[16:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Many moons ago I had a...."pen pal" who lived in Hawaii

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): we did some arcane thing called *consults notes*..."write letters" to each other...which meant more than a week went between send and recieve...

[16:43] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i remember those..:)

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): can you imagine that?

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Today my students go into a panic if I don't respond to an email in two hours

[16:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Today we have all manner of ways to instantly communicate

[16:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'm sure many of us here are on Discord and at least occasionally look at the Xaara Discord.

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As the Kinky Assistant for the Aspirant and Adept Candidate programs, I keep in regular contact with Chew and Seph in a Discord group we started just for that purpose

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and many D/s and vanilla families in SL will use Discord to connect with each other

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Skype was killed off by Microsoft, they want everyone using "Teams" now, but I've not heard of anyone in Xaara using Teams lol

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But I don't know if anything has replaced Skype for it's function

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Now, for some, such ability to communicate isn't quite enough

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): For example, some people in relationships in SL ask, maybe even expect, that their other(s) will get on facetime or some video chat device with them

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Give cell phone numbers to each other

[16:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and essentially make oneself as accessible as they would to a First Life person with whom they have relationship.

[16:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): For others, however, being so open to people in SL is a deal breaker.

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So questions to ponder and discuss are:  1) Do Y/you use external comms of any type (Discord, Teams, Facetime, phones, direct teleportation)

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): 2) Do Y/you sort of expect that anyone in a relationship with you will use these things?  Or is this a "no, I won't do that" sort of wall that you won't pass?

[16:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'll let you mull on that a few moments while i finish my veggie omlette

[16:50] RB (RBQuinn Resident): /me hums "And my number is Beechwood 4-5789....."

[16:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): loll

[16:51] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[16:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): mine is 976-CASH

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): (showed my age there lol)

[16:52] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): loll

[16:52] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Showed mine even worse...

[16:52] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): 877-CASH-NOW ....

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): lol

[16:52] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): C

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Kahlan when ready please!

[16:54] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): Discord is almost a must for me. I use it as an extension of SL, its acts as 'Kahlan's cell phone'... But there i see a lot of RL 'bleeding'. My friends share pictures of their RL and have some of their day to day stories there that they don't want to 'interfere' with SL (more)

[16:55] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): But some of my friends/circles have more immediate communication. some have my facebook, think only a handful (anything medical, my mom is always on it so if i'm not around, my friends here know 'oh, its hospital time again' and don't worry)

[16:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): nods

[16:56] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): but its all an extension, SL mobile is hard to use as a quick tool, discord, facebook and instagram make this more possible if there are immediate situations or those i just don't want to log in and sit at my computer for ##

[16:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): they need to make SL Mobile more friendly for sure

[16:57] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I logged in and ran over my cats in my house as I could barely move

[16:57] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): they staged a revolt and tossed me out

[16:57] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[16:58] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): c

[16:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Discord is a really good tool for offline connection I agree Kahlan

[16:58] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): /me nods and smiles

[16:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): like I said Chew, Seph and I use it, Imy and I connect a lot via it -- I sent her pics of my lunch yesterday lol

[16:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): revenge for her sushi pics earlier this week

[16:59] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol hope it was something yummy

[16:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): oh it was!

[16:59] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): *wonders if its too late for him to take pictures of the bread pudding he made lastnight*

[16:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): well...hopefully the *here it is*...we don't want to see uh...never mind...

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ;)

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so good points Kahlan!

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks!

[17:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): MansooR please

[17:01] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): over time, my division of sl and rl time has become more....distinct? .....

[17:02] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): once out of SL... i tend to swtich off

[17:02] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): and i have found i cant give the same attention on discord as on SL

[17:02] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): more like.."its not teh same"

[17:02] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): c

[17:03] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): so even tho i do use discord for SL

[17:03] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i keep it for important things.....

[17:03] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): done

[17:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): right and that's on the opposite pole from how Kahlan approaches it...both right for both of you of course!

[17:04] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): c

[17:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Some people just don't *want* that much connectivity to SL and people here.

[17:04] RB (RBQuinn Resident): C

[17:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): which leads to a sort of deeper philosophical question of "is SL a 'place in itself' or 'an extension of First Life?'"

[17:05] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): it feels different .. i dunno

[17:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Immersion vs Augmention...but that's another discussion lol

[17:06] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): heheh

[17:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks MansooR!

[17:06] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): thank oyu!

[17:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Mistress Cherry please!

[17:06] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Thank you Vanni sis :-)

[17:06] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Me and my girls, in fact almost every one in our family has created a so called "safe email adress".

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): An mail adress that is only used to communicate outside SL, with other SL family members.

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): For us its a perfect way to communicate, let each other know if for example if can’t login due to RL circumstances, or share stories or pictures.

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): We don’t use Discord or other communication tools. Guess that tells a lot about OUR age too hehee.

[17:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): *grins*

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): The email communication just works fine for us. I check it multiple times a day, just like i check my regular RL related emails.

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Its basic, but enough for us.

[17:07] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): That's it :-)

[17:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Excellent!

[17:08] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): yes Gmail has been around a LONG time and people starting using that first...along with Skype if they wanted more direct connection

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Discord is really handy but everyone has to decide just how connected they want to be

[17:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Morse Code and Semaphore might just be a bit too 'old' though... ;)

[17:10] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): hoq qs qw swbr morse these days??

[17:10] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): It's also a way to keep SL and RL separated. Though its real for me... i do have a very busy and responsible job. I can't be connected all the time

[17:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Right!

[17:10] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): We tried tam tam, but the neighbours started to complain ...

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I am a public employee...if anyone had a pic of me or knew my full name they could find me quickly...down to where I am on any given day

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I don't need a visit at work

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): or anyone knowing where i work

[17:11] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): nods

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): it's not that i don't trust y'all, I don't trust anyone

[17:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): teaching Criminology for 25 years made me sort of paranoid lol

[17:12] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): :)

[17:12] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Hi Connie!

[17:12] Sydney ღ Dark (Badvudo Resident): *waves to Connie*

[17:12] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): I once had a phonecall from someone out of SL, in my private office. She lived near me so it seemed. I can tell you, it was a scary experience. Ever since then i learned my lesson and don't give away too much info anymore...

[17:12] RB (RBQuinn Resident): /me smiles at his girl and waves her over

[17:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): omg yeah!

[17:13] Connie (Constanse Levenque): /me tiptoes quietly in and waves to E/everyone

[17:13] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Hello connie :-)

[17:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): that's really frightening

[17:13] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): /me waves to Connie

[17:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): that someone would think that's "ok"

[17:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): wow

[17:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks Mistress Zus! ♥

[17:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Kahlan back to you please!

[17:14] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): I value Sir Mansoor's approach. It feels almost like being able to turn off work mode once you are clocked out for the day. .. I would like to say that I think my being more involved with SL is a direct result of my RL. this is my secondlife. By product of disability, I am homebound and really only get out for doctors and the occasional trip to the store for a change of scenery. Connecting to people in game, and then though discord and other media gets me connected in real time to real events with real people, even if we still use our SL names. this helps to give me a 'healthy social life' as my GP put it, ##

[17:14] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Most welcome, thank you sis :-)

[17:15] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Oh totally Kahlan!  That is awesome that you can get even more connected via social media and other comm tools!

[17:16] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): My friend Billi who I work with in a Tribute Band is also homebound, and SL is her means of having a social life.  She can't imagine not having it.

[17:16] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so it really is a great way itself to make connection and right, external systems allow that to expand for those that are comfy with it.

[17:17] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): SL truly is life........and its amazing homw many RL gpas it fills

[17:17] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): gaps

[17:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): just think of Xaara

[17:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so many people can't experience BDSM in their first life...this allows it

[17:17] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): yup

[17:18] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Also as a member of the neo-pagan/witch community, I know that it allows people to participate in less common spiritual paths that they can't find around them

[17:18] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so yeah it's a great took for connection, and using other tools allows that to expand

[17:18] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i want to know what neo pagan is

[17:18] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): *tool

[17:19] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): beyond the scope of this discussion!

[17:19] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): mhm

[17:19] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): lol I'll message you Mansoor :)

[17:19] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): :)

[17:19] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): ty Johan

[17:19] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks Kahlan for your insight! ♥

[17:19] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): RB we come to you please!

[17:19] RB (RBQuinn Resident): In the wild and crazy early days of SL, my first gf/sub and I had a very intense and intimate relationship by Skype video calls.  But those sessions essentially replaced being in SL together.  It was heady stuff, but in retrospect, maybe not that ... healthy#

[17:20] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ah back to 'augmention vs immersion'!!

[17:20] RB (RBQuinn Resident): yes :)

[17:21] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Vanni's point of view, which is valid for me only, is that the more First Life intrudes into SL, the less this is a "place" and more just a fancy social media system

[17:22] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): i get people balance it, but like you said RB, it can lead to SL being just something like "Instagram with moving avatars"

[17:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Like I went to a friend's collaring ceremony (this is a person most of you would know if I said their name but I won't for privacy) and it was all in voice

[17:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I was like "why are we in SL?  this could have been a video conference call."

[17:23] RB (RBQuinn Resident): /me smiles

[17:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But I guess the retort would be "why type when we have more augmenting forms of communication handy."

[17:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so it's just how everyone rolls, it's all good!

[17:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks RB!

[17:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so I have a question to the group, and please just answer if you want don't use a C

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Have you been in an SL relationship where you wanted more use of external comms, but the other was unwilling to go past SL?  Or did the other suggest and maybe even push more use than you were comfortable with?  If so, how was that handled?  Again, this is just if you wish to expound.

[17:27] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): C

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): lol no C :P

[17:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): just go :P

[17:27] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): You said 'if I "Don't want too" *playfully bratty*

[17:27] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): It'll take me a moment to type so anyone can jump ahead

[17:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): /me eats up the rest of the bread pudding

[17:28] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): ha

[17:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I can answer that I've not been in such a situation as I am very firm that "I'll use email and Discord and that's it."  If someone wants more than that, I'm not for them and we stay friends and I wish them all the best.

[17:29] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): for it was direct excahnge of cell phones.......to saty in touch while i travelled.......back then.. it wasnt intrusive at all

[17:29] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I have been in a couple of them where of course its kind of a draw to be 'more', whether that be voice, or texting on the phone, etc.  But, its understandable that sometimes people have limitations that can't or won't let them do such.   Its not a deal breaker for me, because the emotions are still there, the feelings and depth of the relationship are still there & I would MUCH rather have them when they are safe and comfortable in what their limits are, than risk losing them. #done

[17:30] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): awww *kisses the sweet one

[17:30] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ♥

[17:30] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): no one is ever getting my cell number...i hate the fact my employer has it lol

[17:30] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[17:30] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): loll

[17:31] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): don't need a cell number, you can text me and call me on discord! lol

[17:31] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): bingo!

[17:31] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): To me, an extension of any relationship out from SL to RL is a hard NO. Like i explained, like Vanni, i have an important job, and that makes me kind of ... vulnerable so to speak

[17:31] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): yeah you don't need someone showing up at work!

[17:32] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Indeed :-)

[17:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): if mean if they called you at work they could just as easily show up

[17:32] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): though I still get weirded out voicing/talking but only because i don't talk much regularly out loud. i've gotten more vocal but have to time things just to have a PG talk otherwise other humans in the house think i've gone off the deep end talking to myself outloud,

[17:33] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i can relate to Kahlan on that

[17:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): i can't imagine talking to others on discord/sl when my RL partner is around

[17:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): she's right next to me ... to me it would seem rude....but that's me

[17:34] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): It could just be 'hi how is your day' but like i said, i don't even talk much in my own home. I text my RL bestie all the time. we only call if somthing big is going down, life and death level events

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and that breaks immersion anyway lol

[17:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): nods nods

[17:34] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): oh.. NOW i get the meaning of immersion

[17:34] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): yes!

[17:35] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i does get brpken

[17:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): this is the classic text on it:  https://villyland.blogspot.com/2012/12/augmentation-vs-immersion-by-henrik_4717.html

[17:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As a sociololgist I've written a lot on this topic

[17:36] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): /me clicks

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): has anyone else had an experience of more or less external comm desired by another that didn't sit quite right?

[17:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): i guess if people live together all this is sort of moot LOL

[17:38] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): "When's breakfast gonna be ready?"  "I told you, AFTER KLATCH!"

[17:38] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): the external communication led me to where i am today :)

[17:38] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ♥

[17:38] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): i love that Pilar!

[17:38] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): i feel sex is better in chat than voice... one can type eaxctly what one feels

[17:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): omg so years ago I read some social research on SL...a slight majority of SL residents that took this poll said that their sex life was *better* in SL than in First Life!

[17:40] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): :)

[17:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I wasn't sure if I should hail the use of technology or be concerned lol

[17:41] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[17:41] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): Hehe

[17:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): today my view is "if it works that's great"

[17:41] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): if you want voice sex, call an operator. I'm awkward as hell on a good day and texting things out gives me time to process and find just the right words better than trying to find 'the right sounds'

[17:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): nods nods

[17:41] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): nods

[17:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): plus animations make it a little more 'immersing'

[17:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but over-reliance on this is just as bad lol

[17:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I mentioned before my first SLex ever was a guy putting me on pose balls, flipping around 15 anis in three mins, and yelling 'IZ FUKKIN U' over nd over

[17:43] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lmao

[17:43] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): rofl

[17:43] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): loll

[17:44] Kahlan ღ Dark (wobbles08 Resident): poses are the salt in the sauce, just enough can make a thing *chefs kiss! ... and too much reliance can ruin the entire thing

[17:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and then disappearing after he uh...whatever....*cough*

[17:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): right!

[17:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Johan that C was for your comment before I think?

[17:45] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Indeed..*takes the last bite of the bread pudding she stole*

[17:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): /me giggles

[17:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): do not tempt me with a good bread pudding

[17:45] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[17:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): i might crawl on the floor to...uh...never mind

[17:45] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Its was pretty damned delicious for my first time ever making it :)

[17:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): don't want to make myself THAT vulerable

[17:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ok any final comments that do not involve bread pudding?

[17:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I almost wrote "bread pussing" so guess where my mind went...

[17:46] RB (RBQuinn Resident): /me laughs and shakes his head

[17:46] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): :)

[17:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I miss Brianne!

[17:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): she was my compatriot in humor

[17:47] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lol

[17:47] RB (RBQuinn Resident): definitely needs a good drum-roll

[17:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ♫ rimshot ♫

[17:47] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): haha

[17:47] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): If its any consolation, I bit my tongue because I wasn't sure if my comment would have been TOO much overtheline :)

[17:47] RB (RBQuinn Resident): you're allowed to give yourself one

[17:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): /me giggles

[17:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): one pudding over the line sweet jesus, one puddin' over the line

[17:48] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): lmao

[17:48] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): thank you for that , now that will be stuck in my head for a while ... until the next comes along

[17:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): this is stand up with Vanni as much as it's discussion, Pilar

[17:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ;)

[17:49] Pilar Raynier (Pilar Raynier): /me nods nods

[17:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ok then thank you all for being here and participating!

[17:49] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Fun discussion :)

[17:49] Cherry Lysette (Cherry Cloud): I am afraid RL dinner time has arrived for me. All that pudding stuff made me hungry

[17:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): our topic in two weeks will be 'How we got into D/s and BDSM"

[17:49] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): awesome as usual

[17:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): an d then in March we start our discussion of the BDSM acronym