Sunday, June 15, 2025

"PD is for PolyDomination!" -- June 15, 2025

 [15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ok let's start up!

 

[15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good morning and welcome to Koffee Klatch!

 

[15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Our discussions are in text and are in the usual C/Q/R format, meaning type "C" if you wish to make a comment, "Q" if you have a question, usually directed at a person's comments, and "R" if you wish to retract either your C or your Q.  If a person has a question for a specific person on what they said, just say "Q @ [name]"

 

[15:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We tend to go in the order received, however, we generally will promote questions directed at a person's comment to the top.  The handy-dandy giant coffee cup in the middle will keep track of the order.

 

[15:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): If a person asks a question of the group, there is no need to put in a "C" to reply, replies to the question will be open.  Just answer, or we'll have a bunch of "Cs" at the bottom.

 

[15:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Please keep extraneous talk in IM...otherwise it gets noisy!

 

[15:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The archive for this Klatch can be found here:  https://xaarakoffeeklatch.blogspot.com/  It houses current and many older discussions.

 

[15:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): With that out of the way, we'll begin.

 

[15:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As I said in my announcement, Poly is a rather common thing here in SL....much more than in First Life.

 

[15:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And in the BDSM community even more so.

 

[15:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): It isn't uncommon for a Dominant to have 2, 3, 4 or more submissive in a household.

 

[15:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Years ago I was asked to be #8 in this Domme's growing household...which she said would be 20+.....

 

[15:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I politely passed that amazing chance...

 

[15:46] RB (RBQuinn Resident): smirks

 

[15:46] Draya Darkwing (Drayana Firehart): o.O

 

[15:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): If you have to take a number and wait that many days....maybe it's a bit much...BUT, to each their own.

 

[15:46]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): Grins

 

[15:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Today we talk about a form of Poly that is somewhat less, or maybe a lot less discussed, than the usual "Dominant with multiple subs

 

[15:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The less common form is Poly-Dominance, where a submissive has several Dom s that they report to, take orders from, and likely even have on their collar as "co-owners."

 

[15:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'm not talking about "open" kind of D/s relationships where Dominants tell their charges, "Go have fun with Sir/Miss Fancypants, and then come back here for further orders."

 

[15:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That is also pretty common.

 

[15:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Nor do I mean where a sub or set of subs are with a Dominant couple.

 

[15:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Who have equal control over then in a negotiated setting.

 

[15:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I mean the sub is really co-owned by multiple Dom s, in a reverse of how a Dominant is the Master or Mistress of several subs.

 

[15:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We covered this a couple years ago, and the feelings were mixed, so I thought as we are discussing D/s it would be good to bring back and see if the august assembly had new and different views on it.

 

[15:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And before we start, the usual caveat: there is no "one right way," what people decide to do consensually is 100% their biz and that's it. So this isn't a "let's praise or raspberry the idea" as much as talk about it and see.

 

[15:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So what do you think? Good or bad? Does this work or does it not? I'd love to hear both from our Dominants and our submissives, especially if any have been involved in Polydomination.  All views are welcome, naturally!

 

[15:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): RB when you are ready, please!

 

[15:52] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   smiles and greets Sir MansooR from her cushion

 

[15:53] MansooR RedChilli (mansoor50 Resident): Rachel..:)

 

[15:53] RB (RBQuinn Resident): The asymmetry of the usual power direction in a D/s relationship kinda argues against poly-domination.  Subs are accustomed to being directed and waiting their turn.  Dominants (present company excepted) are notorious for NOT being so. #

 

[15:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Devil's Advocate:  But in this arrangement they don't have to wait!

 

[15:54] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): Greetings all Dominants and all Submissives, kindly grant me a minute to rez

 

[15:54] RB (RBQuinn Resident): They have to wait if the sub is serving the'other'

 

[15:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ohhh I see what you mean

 

[15:54] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): misread it

 

[15:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): This is true....the sub is split between multiple Dominants and that might cause an issue.

 

[15:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That is a good point!

 

[15:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I am glad we're getting both Dom  and sub views in the queue

 

[15:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good start RB, thank you!

 

[15:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We go to Lexis please!

 

[15:56] RB (RBQuinn Resident): nods and smiles to Miss Vanni ;)

 

[15:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): ;)

 

[15:56] Lexis Evertied (Lexisevertied Resident): I can imagine quite happily being co-owned by two Dommes, but not two -separate- Dommes... I'd imagine the two Dommes would have to know each other quite well and work closely together as a single 'unit', otherwise there is just too big a conflict of interest. Right?

 

[15:56] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident):   nods

 

[15:57] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): Thank you

 

[15:57] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That has been a comment before, Lexis...that the sub may well get contradictory orders

 

[15:57] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So I do think that communication all around would be necessary.

 

[15:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Which is what we've always said here.

 

[15:58] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Amen!

 

[15:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): No talk is no bueno!

 

[15:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Very good point thanks Lexis!

 

[15:58] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident): I think it could work if the two Dominants communicate well with each other so as to avoid conflicting orders for the sub, and are generally not online at the same time, like one is around in the mornings and the other is available in the evenings.

 

[15:58] Lexis Evertied (Lexisevertied Resident): Ha! Time share sub

 

[15:59] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident):   grins

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Yeah try getting out of that...you need a lawyer....oh SUB...not just time share.

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): rimshot

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good point thanks!

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ayla, please!

 

[16:00] Ayla (sofiastarlady Resident): Well, IRl, I have seen cases where subs serve specific play areas/dungeons. In that way, they serve multiple dominants. I think it's a good thing, for someone first getting into BDSM. I have seen that, also, with online settings. I think that can be a positive thing; however, I think if a sub was owned by multiple dominants, that could be very confusing. It would take a LOT of communication. Being owned by a couple is nice, though. :) Those are my thoughts on it!

 

 

[16:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Oh yes, but I wouldn't call what goes on in a dungeon/club as "polydomination"...That's Top/Bottom fun which has no real D/s connection to it

 

[16:01] Lexis Evertied (Lexisevertied Resident): I can neither confirm nor deny having the 'Dom-couple' fantasy...

 

[16:02] RB (RBQuinn Resident): laughs

 

[16:02] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The second part of your comment is more what I am getting at...being owned by multiple Dominants

 

[16:02] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And your point of confusion is well taken, Ayla!

 

[16:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I've known quite a number of subs that were co-owned by a Dominant couple

 

[16:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): It can be rather tasty for sure *grins*

 

[16:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ayla, thank you for your comment!

 

[16:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We move to Autumn please

 

[16:04]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): For me, I don't think I could have multiple doms, it would get too confusing for me.  Some of this may have to do with my autism, but what if there were conflicting commands.  One says I can never do xyz, another says always do it.  Plus, as RB said, what if I'm with one, and another calls for me, how would I know what to do? And what if they don't get along with each other, that would make things worse.  It would be far too overwhelming for me. A couple would be different, they would be working together, but there always would have to be the one that is the final say for me. #

 

[16:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Agreed, I do think all that is possible in terms of complications, Autumn.

 

[16:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Again...if there is lots of communication between all the parties it's possible that could be minimized.

 

[16:05]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): For me it would have to be a TON of communication

 

[16:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Agreed!

 

[16:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): All very good points, thank you for sharing that Autumn!

 

[16:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We go to Yua please

 

[16:07] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): Before I say anything else at all I would like tl let people know that I am extremely shy, rarely come to these, and when I do, I rarely volunteer to actively comment, but, in this case... this particular topic sort of screams my life.. so.

 

[16:09] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): I have spent the past 10 years in a household living under two dominant women.    It works.    We don't bother scheduling things, we don't bother worrying about who gets when.  It just simply works naturally because of people having multiple interests that can draw them away to other things for periods of time.     I will say it is absolutely not for everyone though.  It will fuck some people up emotionally.

 

[16:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'm glad it does work for you Yua!

 

[16:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But that's why I was sort of differentiating a household with two (or more!) Dominants and their co-owned subs, and a sub who "travels" between multiple Dom s that aren't part of the same household.

 

[16:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I think in general, what you have going is great and has a much higher degree of success.

 

[16:12] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): It's where the sub is shuttling between 2, 3, or more "Households" that more problems seem to arise.

 

[16:12] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): I will mention that neither of them are together with each other.

 

[16:12] RB (RBQuinn Resident): And, kudos to you, Yua, for coming out of your shell to tell us about your situation :)

 

[16:12] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Yes, your comment is welcome!

 

[16:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So just to be clear, they are in the same household as Dominants but are not connected to each other?

 

[16:14] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): Yep.  One's my wife, one is just her friend.  They're not together as a couple.

 

[16:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Got you.

 

[16:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Cool and again I'm glad it works. :)

 

[16:15] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thank you for that!

 

[16:15] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We go to Rachel with a question.

 

[16:15] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   takes a deep breath...slowly exhales then softly asks the group as a whole.  "First to any subs do you ever feel the need to have another Dom  to protect or give advise when their Master isn't online SL...or in RL situation to be there when unable to communicate with your Dom?...Next...how do the Dom  feel about allowing that protection to their Sub?  I think my question may have been answered in part by May or may not" double  entendre intentional, but if not...#

 

[16:16] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): So for me, I have had and allow certain other trusted Dominants (Sara for example) to be a 'mentor' and or trusted person for Kahlan and Sydney.  I know that she will have their safety and security in mind, and if they cross the line (they haven't yet) she would be quick to snap the finger and pull them back. #

 

[16:17] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): My wife once told me having her friend being my second domme is like having a babysitter for when she's away. If that answers that at all..

 

[16:18] RB (RBQuinn Resident): I have a very wide 'white knight' streak, so I often am giving help or advice to subs who do not belong to me.

 

[16:18] Lexis Evertied (Lexisevertied Resident): can confirm

 

[16:18]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): I have had owners that had close friends that I was to go to if they were away and something came up #

 

[16:18] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident): I believe part of the philosophy of Xaara is that all Dominants are responsible for protecting the submissives here, whether or not they are owned. So any Dominant who is secure is going to welcome someone else helping or protecting one of his or her subs in informal situations. A more established "protection" arrangement between two or more Dominants would require discussion.

 

[16:18] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): Yes, a trusted dominant or friend can certainly be asked to provide protection and mentorship when the primary dominant is not online. If either party feels that’s necessary, they should absolutely have an open and honest dialog about what that means.

 

[16:19] Joel Lightfoot (JoelJSA Resident): If I needed help or advice when my Mistress was not available, there are several Doms here at Xaara that I would feel comfortable going to.#

 

[16:20] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   smiles gently at all the answers that helped clarify..."Thank you for helping me"

 

[16:20] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): My Dominant shares me with his companion.  I answer to her as my Docent while on sim.  At home she is my Mistress although she has never overstepped Master.  I also have others that I may seek out if needed.

 

[16:20] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident): There are Dominants with whom Master has close relationships, like Miss Arella, Sir RB and Miss Seli, to whom I would go if Master suddenly became unavailable for a long time. He has indicated his trust in them, and they know us well.

 

[16:20] Lexis Evertied (Lexisevertied Resident): Related question... having another dom look out for and help your sub is one thing... but what about letting them have free reign to 'play with' your sub?

 

[16:20] Seli (Seliara Elton):   blushes happily  and smiles at May

 

[16:20] Christina (Christina Halpin): RB is basically always there for me

 

[16:21] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'd say that's up to all the parties, Lexis, but again we're back to commnication.

 

[16:22] RB (RBQuinn Resident): @Lexis:  I have always not restricted my subs from playing with others.  The last few years, none of them have wanted to take advantage of that

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good point!  Being given permission for something and then doing it are often exclusive.

 

[16:23]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): nods

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Excellent!

 

[16:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): wait I see daks typing (as I used chat bubbles)

 

[16:24] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): hahha

 

[16:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): it really helps in discussions!

 

[16:24] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): I was going to say I am allowed to play with anyone of my choice, but I have not had the inkly to!

 

[16:24] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): nods nods

 

[16:25] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): kept busy..ahaha

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thank you all for your comments and answers!

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And thank you Rachel for posing the question

 

[16:25] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident): Thank you for allowing it...

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I'm sweet that way :P

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   giggles

 

[16:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We'll move on to Johan please

 

[16:26] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I could see it working; but there would have to be even MORE communication and understanding regarding Negotiations and agreements. Both dominants would need to be on the same page as to what they each agree to allow and are comfortable with. Even then I don't think there would be a 50-50 equality in the situation as there would ALWAYS bit some level of partiality towards one or another. Otherwise, just like RB said, you end up with two different 'tugs' on the leash and not knowing which one to follow. Kahlan/Sydney and I tried it early on in our relationship with their former owner Tristan and lets just say it was a hot mess to the point Sydney no longer feels comfortable with two Dominants at all even if one is just 'play friend' Dominant.    It is definitely a HUGE amount of Communication, AND Clarification to make sure everyone is 100% on the same page. #done

 

[16:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): 100%!!!!

 

[16:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And no matter how mature we all are (or think we are.... ;) ) .... jealousy is a real potential issue (not saying you were Johan...)

 

[16:27] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident):   laughs

 

[16:27] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Just the opposite actually, Tristan couldn't handle "ME" being their CO-Dominant :)

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But what we idealize vs how it plays out can be quite different.

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ha!

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Well said and thanks for the comment Johan!

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Magnus we move to you please!

 

[16:28] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): First off, thank you to everyone who has shared, and will share, their thoughts. Especially the shy ones; I appreciate your input more than you know.

In my opinion, and only my opinion, Poly-Dominance (where the submissive serves multiple, non-affiliated dominants) is good or bad only on the level of whether it works for all parties involved. I’ve been involved in situations with girls who have multiple dominants and I’ve found that I don’t like it. I have very specific preferences, and I’ve found that a submissive serving multiple dominants has less depth with each of them. For those who engage in D/s on a scene by scene basis, it worked out just fine. However, for someone like me who wants a deeper connection, a full lifestyle commitment, I’ve personally found that the submissive is too divided to serve with her whole heart. Again, just my personal experience with it. #done

 

[16:29]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): Nods hard

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Well said!

 

[16:30] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As I am a sociologist I've studied a bit of polyamory in First Life and that's very much what vanilla people that don't want to be involved in Polyamory say..."How can you 100% love and be connected to multiple people?"  It is a very legitimate question.

 

[16:30] Ayla (sofiastarlady Resident): Smiles and nods softly at those last comments and the pionts made.

 

[16:31] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): Ah, but love is different. Love is limitless.

 

[16:31] Yua Takeda (Yua Takeda): What is love, baby don't hurt me~

 

[16:31] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But couldn't a sub say much the same?  "If my Master/Mistress has 2 other subs, aren't they 'splitting time' rather than being devoted to me?"

 

[16:31] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): ^5 Magnus

 

[16:32] RB (RBQuinn Resident): Many subs DO say that, and they should stay away from poly type situations!

 

[16:32] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): They certainly could, Vanessa. And it's entirely fair for them to make the choice to not engage in a poly household.

 

[16:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And love the feeling vs love as action (or praxis) are different I think.

 

[16:32] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Right!

 

[16:32] RB (RBQuinn Resident): winks at Magnus *jinx*

 

[16:33] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo):   chuckles.

 

[16:33] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   laughs softly

 

[16:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Which is why I don't have a lot of respect for Dom s that just "bring home" new subs and say "here's your new sister/brother..."...but I think the people here would all find that troublesome.

 

[16:34]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): Nods

 

[16:34] Ayla (sofiastarlady Resident): nods at that last point especially.

 

[16:34] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I think that comes more from Gorean type rp and crossed over into the larger BDSM groups from there.

 

[16:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Amen, Johan!

 

 

[16:35] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   nods and then says "needs a connection for it to work"

 

[16:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Magnus thank you for those wise words, great comment!

 

[16:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Brantlay has two questions ;)

 

[16:35] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): I have only one question the other was a mistypo...

I once met a sub, who said she is an alpha sub, meaning she is sub with master and dom to other subs of the master... would such a situation qualify as polydomination for the beta subs?

 

[16:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good question!

 

[16:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): what think y'all

 

[16:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): (remember no C!)

 

[16:36] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I would say 'depends' *laughs*  but chances are yes

 

[16:36] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): a alpha sub does not mean she is dom to other submissive

 

[16:36] RB (RBQuinn Resident): I had that situation years ago, and I don't think either I or my alpha sub saw it as poly-domination.

 

[16:36]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): That sounds more like a switch or service top to me

 

[16:36] daks Ravenclaw (Dakota50 Resident): smiles

 

[16:37] Ayla (sofiastarlady Resident): Alpha subs are pretty common in Ds families, but I never thought of that dynamic as poly domination because at the end of the day, everyone still answers to a Master, Mistress, or Ds couple....but I see the point and it's a good question.

 

[16:37] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): That is a great question, Brantlay. Personally, I don’t believe that it qualifies as poly-dominance because of the assumption that the alpha slave is working strictly within the master’s guidelines. They’re more of an assistant, really.

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Agreed

 

[16:37] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I think it could be, if that is how they set up their dynamic.  But in general Alpha subs are more like "First Girl" or "En Slave" in Gor.  Still a Sub, but they have switch rights and can direct the other submissives in what is required.

 

[16:38]  Aυţυмη нαuι (AutumnRaineSkye Resident): nods

 

[16:38] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I think an "Alpha Sub" is a sort of Majordomo of the household

 

[16:38] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): That's a good way to put it, Vanessa.

 

[16:38] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident):   nods in agreement...handles the hosuehold

 

[16:38] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): I think that explains it... Thank you Mistress Vanessa

 

[16:39] RachelHolt (RachelHolt Resident): Maybe the alsph sub help take away from the pressure the Dom  has

 

[16:39] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident): I guess I would be "alpha sub" in our family, but that's partly because Idgie had no experience with D/s until she joined us whereas I have decades. So it's more like a big sister ntor relationship. She takes my instructions because I'm teaching her.

 

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Brantlay good question!

 

[16:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And again thank you all for your replies

 

[16:39] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): Thank you all

 

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): May you are up please

 

[16:43] May O. Mingzi (MayOMingzi Resident): My comment goes back to the earlier idea that polydominance would be easier if the two Dominants were a couple, and also to the point of some people suddenly bringing in a new brother/sister. A D/s relationship usually doesn't start out with a couple. But the Dominant may fall in love with and partner with someone. Then you have a situation where you have to see if the submissives under that first Dominant feel comfortable having new Dominant having authority over them. You have to build new relationships, which may or may not work. And if it does, great. But then the Dominants may have a divorce - sometimes a very bitter one - and then do the subs still respond to the person who has left the family?#

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Oh good points!!

 

[16:44] Brantlay (Brantlay Resident): So many angles !

 

[16:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Bringing in another person to an existing dynamic is always fraught with potential perils.

 

[16:45] Christina (Christina Halpin): and opportunities

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): truth!

 

[16:45] Ayla (sofiastarlady Resident): Great points, May. Lots to consider there. Nods.

 

[16:45] RB (RBQuinn Resident): In the breakups I have been in, I have given the sub involved the freedom to choose.

 

[16:45] RB (RBQuinn Resident): smiles at his unicorn

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): May, what I would say is long before the partnering, there would need to be time for everyone to get to know each other and let the relationships build organically

 

[16:46] RB (RBQuinn Resident): "You can't hurry love . . . ."

 

[16:46] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): "No, you'll just have to wait..."

 

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): A Dominant telling their charges "This is my new Dominant spouse and you WILL obey" is gonna go over like the proverbial lead balloon.

 

[16:46] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): "I mean you can if you pay by the minute..." err.. what?

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But the hyperspeed of SL relationship can often lead to quick things...

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That may or may not work.

 

[16:47] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): and when you add a 3rd or 4th party into that, Hyperspeed is ripe for problems.

 

[Snip movie quotes here!]

 

[16:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Well unfortunately we are getting close to ten so I think we need to cut here

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thank you all for your amazing input!

 

[16:53] Magnus Diavolo (Magnus Diavolo): Thank you all for the engaging conversation.

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): In two weeks we'll go into "Submission" in general

 

[16:53] RB (RBQuinn Resident): A discussion for the ages, Vanni!  Thank you :)

 

[16:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And then we'll talk about a couple forms of D/s....Babygirl/Daddy-Dom and....the Brat!

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"S is for Submission!" -- June 29, 2025

 [15:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So let's start up [15:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good morning and welcome to Kof...