Sadism -- May 31, 2026

 [15:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Let's go ahead and start up

 

[15:39] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Good morning and welcome to Koffee Klatch!

 

[15:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Our discussions are in text and are in the usual C/Q/R format, meaning type "C" if you wish to make a comment, "Q" if you have a question, usually directed at a person's comments, and "R" if you wish to retract either your C or your Q.  If a person has a question for a specific person on what they said, just say "Q @ [name]"

 

[15:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We tend to go in the order received, however, we generally will promote questions directed at a person's comment to the top.  The handy-dandy giant coffee cup in the middle will keep track of the order.

 

[15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): If a person asks a question of the group, there is no need to put in a "C" to reply, replies to the question will be open.  Just answer, or we'll have a bunch of "Cs" at the bottom.

 

[15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Please keep further greetings and extraneous talk in IM...otherwise it gets noisy!  Thank you! ♥

 

[15:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The archive for this Klatch can be found here:  https://xaarakoffeeklatch.blogspot.com/  It houses current and many older discussions.

 

[15:42] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): With that out of the way, we'll begin.

 

[15:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Today we start S/M with a discussion of the S -- Sadism

 

[15:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I have a bit of exposition first then we'll go to comments and questions.

 

[15:44] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Feel free to drop a C or a Q in as we go along

 

[15:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Merriam-Webster gives a general definition of Sadism as "the derivation of sexual gratification from the infliction of physical pain or humiliation on another person."

 

[15:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): the Dominant Guide has a more specific definition for our kind of community:

 

[15:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): "Within the BDSM community, the Dominant is most often the sadist, and the  submissive is generally the masochist (who derives pleasure from receiving pain). Also in the BDSM community, unlike most societal descriptions in the medical and psychological community, sadism is widely accepted as a healthy expression of inflicting pain in a safe, sane, and consensual manner to a masochist who seeks such activities as a form of emotional release or sexual pleasure."

 

[15:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Acts of Sadism seem to puzzle a lot of vanilla people in First Life -- "why do you get off hitting people?"

 

[15:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): The answer to this varies from person to person, but in general, the feeling of power, of letting that desire to cause hurt to a person channeled onto a person that is willingly allowing it (nay, deeply desiring it!), and the lovely marks that are left on the willing Bottom with the hands, the paddle, the whip, etc, are the charges that drive the Sadist.

 

[15:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Sadism does not need to necessarily involve physical hitting, by the way.  Sadism may involve humiliation of the willing Bottom, mixed with physical pain or completely in place of it.

 

[15:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Different things turn on different Bottoms, so one Bottom might like being hit with a paddle until his or her ass and thighs are black and blue, while another may not want any physical pain at all, but really gets off on being totally objectified and humiliated in front of people.

 

[15:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   hums the theme song of the 70s TV show "Different Strokes"...realizing it has more to do with this discussion than she thought.... ;)

 

[15:49] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): *Avoids asking 'Whatcho talkin' bout Vanni? *

 

[15:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): For today's discussion, however, I'd like to avoid Humiliation and focus on the Sadistic acts of "hitting, etc."  Humiliation is another ball of wax that we've discussed here, and will be given its own full discussion period again.

 

[15:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): One last thing which is very, very important....

 

[15:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): We are NOT discussing a psychological condition here where a person just acts sadistically toward people minus consent.

 

[15:50] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   winks at Johan :P

 

[15:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): A person doing that likely has Sadistic Personality Disorder which means they derive pleasure from watching people harmed by their acts who do NOT consent to it.

 

[15:51] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): A person with that condition cannot perform BDSM in any Safe, Sane or Consensual manner.

 

[15:52] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): nods to that

 

[15:52] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): A person walking around acting like a jerk to everyone around them isn't a sadist in our definition...they're a jerk.

 

[15:53] Ben Huntsman (Ben Huntsman):   nods agreeing

 

[15:53] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): That's my beginning exposition --  lets talk!  Are You a sadist, do Y/you like sadism?  Or is this an arcane thing Y/you'd rather avoid?  What do you think?

 

[15:55] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I'm a service top, I don't LIKE inflicting pain, but I can do it if my partner enjoys it. It doesn't bother me to do it at all.  I do like teasing and playfulness and being a 'fiend' but the pain part isn't so much my kink.   Knowing that my partner is fully getting off on it, IS my kink :)  #done

 

[15:55] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): There you go!

 

[15:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Not quite your thing but your partner enjoying it makes you happy.  Bingo!

 

[15:56] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): Q for Johan

 

[15:56] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): go ahead Liss

 

[15:57] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): as that's a Q to Johan's comment

 

[15:57] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): Would the level of masochism in a sub, affect whether you were happy to interact with them?#

 

[15:58] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): "Not at all.. I have one who is very much a "no birthday spankings at all please?"  and one who is a "Whip me beat me make me scream your name"  :)   I love them both immensely and derive great pleasure out of both. # done

 

[15:58] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): "Different Strokes to please the subs....Different Strokes to please the suuuuubs!"

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Sorry

 

[15:59] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): ROFL

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): at least this isn't in voice and you hear me *actually* singing that

 

[15:59] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): THAT would be Sadistic Musical Disorder on my part

 

[16:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Johan thanks for your comment and Liss thanks for the question!

 

[16:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Rubria has a question for the group

 

[16:00] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): go ahead Rubria

 

[16:00] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Thank you Vanessa

 

[16:00] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): I was wondering if submission and sadism could be somehow associated. How would you view a submissive with sadistic instincts? Thanks for listening. #

 

[16:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): please answer if you like

 

[16:01] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): No Cs please!

 

[16:01] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Possibly a brat?

 

[16:02] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): hard on the definition we got at the start but I guess a switch could be

 

[16:03] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Thank you Liss

 

[16:03] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I don't honestly think there's a necessary divide.  Submission isn't inherently tied to masochism, so it wouldn't necessarily be tied to sadism or hidden FROM Sadism. They are just multifaceted aspects?   But I think being BOTH a sadist and a submissive could be leaning towards someone who both wants to serve, but also derives pleasure from providing pain, and perhaps in a certain manner of speaking Brat play could serve both?

 

[16:03] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Could be a brat

 

[16:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): or just two different psychological things expressed at different times

 

[16:04] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Thank you Master Johan

 

[16:04] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): I like that definition, Vanessa

 

[16:04] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Sadism and Masochism are defined by *acts* even though they are drives in a person.  Submission and Domination are really personality types that define roles.

 

[16:05] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): *does the finger clap snap thing *

 

[16:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So a sub could have Sadistic tendencies that get expressed say in a scene with a fellow sub/bottom

 

[16:05] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident):   nods

 

[16:05] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): while still being totally devoted and serves their Dom

 

[16:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): As a sociololgist I utterly reject "binary" in any human experience...humans are too diverse and dynamic...

 

[16:06] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Does that help Rubria?

 

[16:06] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Yes, a lot, thanks to A/all

 

[16:07] Aprilschyld (Aprilschyld Resident):   thinks "Aren't we all such beautiful multifaceted beings"

 

[16:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks for the fabulous question!

 

[16:07] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident):   smiles

 

[16:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ok Ema, you are now up.  Hit us!

 

[16:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): well some of us!

 

[16:07] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): :P

 

[16:07] Aprilschyld (Aprilschyld Resident): giggles

 

[16:07] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): i think we can all get exciting a little for pain in sl.... for you can imagen it but not feel it ( unless mirroring ) there will be limits for ppl based on things that have happened in there lives i  as an example will not tolerate whips  but i do feel true sadism in sl is in the emotion end  so humiliation interrogation all they ion lol that pain you can feel  can i also add that i see nothing wrong with a sub inflectiing pain on a dominat if it is there wish #

 

[16:08] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): In SL, S/M is mostly what I like to call "Theater of the Mind," although there is mirroring as you pointed out.

 

[16:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): however as the brain is the biggest sex organ, it can become very real to people even here

 

[16:09] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): much as many of us enjoy having our avatars cuffed or tied...or like cuffing/tying/gagging others

 

[16:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   fans myself a little

 

[16:10] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): And I do like you pointed out there are many ways to do sadism that don't involve paddles, spanks, etc.

 

[16:11] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Ema go ahead and add whatever you feel as it's on topic then we'll move on

 

[16:12] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): i would beg to differ Vanessa ... i have never felt pain like a broken shoulder (rl) in sl ..:) #

 

[16:12] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Well I didn't say it's the *same*

 

[16:12] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I fell off my bike and bruised my ribs and could barely breathe right for a month

 

[16:12] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): And some pains, even for Masochists definitely AREN"T pleasurable

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): My point was what's done here can certainly have an effect on some people.

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): but I wasn't making an equivalency

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): True Johan!

 

[16:13] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): oh yes !! or we would all colllect stamps hehe

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): lol

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks Ema!

 

[16:13] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): :)

 

[16:13] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Benedetta, you are up!

 

[16:14] Benedetta (cordediseta Rosea): Have you ever thought about the allure of a sadistic action? I mean, do you think there's something fascinating about sadism integrated into the Theater of the Mind?..#

 

[16:14] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyone can answer!

 

[16:15] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I think most Dominants have *some* sadistic tendencies...but remember it's a spectrum, not either or.

 

[16:16] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): for example lots, maybe most?, Dom s like spanking or pinching their charges, or dragging them out nude...but wouldn't hit them.

 

[16:16] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Q to benedetta

 

[16:16] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): I guess even something like restricting IMs could be classed as sadistic

 

[16:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I got lectured at a Femdom by a couple Dommes who said Dominants NEVER are to hit their subs, but to cherish them.  I posed "but what if I feel cherished when I get flogged?"  Then they got mad LOL

 

[16:17] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): hehe

 

[16:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): <- Hell Raiser

 

[16:17] Ema  (Ema1983 Resident): i would dearly love to cattle prod a few ..

 

[16:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   giggle

 

[16:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): You sadist!

 

[16:17] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Rubria go ahead

 

[16:18] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): benedetta, what do you mean about "The theater of Mind?". the psychological side of Sadism? #

 

[16:19]  (Benedetta it>en): Miss Vanessa knows a lot more about the Theater of the Mind than I do but I'll try to answer

 

[16:19]  (Benedetta it>en): it is that mental thread that surpasses the physical sense of contact

 

[16:19]  (Benedetta it>en): it is something that penetrates the mind

 

[16:19] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): It's what I call how we scene here and make it real in our minds as we aren't tactile directly in SL

 

[16:20] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): I understand perfectly : )

 

[16:20] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Thank you

 

[16:20] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Can I offer an 'also' definition/explanation?

 

[16:20] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Even SL sex is theater of the mind...unless one is in voice or video or something......

 

[16:20] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): sure Johan

 

[16:21] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): Theater of the Mind = using your Imagination to put yourself/place in the scene that you are engaging in SL.   It's like watching a movie or book that you are totally engaged in and placing yourself in the part of the character.   Except in SL you ARE 100% the person involved.

 

[16:21] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): bingo

 

[16:21] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Perfect description, thank you Master Johan

 

[16:21]  (Benedetta it>en): I'll give a little consideration to my question...may I?

 

[16:22] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Quick, then we need to move on (if you're asking for another point to make?)

 

[16:22]  (Benedetta it>en): it's about rl but I was once tied by the wrists with barbed metal wire.. do you consider it a sadistic or fascinating action?

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): oh that's rather sadistic on the part of who did it to you!

 

[16:23] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): sadistic!

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): masochistic on yours!

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): (Masochism is two weeks from today!)

 

[16:23]  (Benedetta it>en): thanks...smiles

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Molto grazie!

 

[16:23] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Mr. Darrow you are up!

 

[16:23] TobyDarrow (TobyDarrow Resident): Thank You Vanni.  My journey as a sadist has been fascinating.  I grew up in a strict Catholic household in the mid 20th Century so physical punishment was a reality in our home, as it was in the homes of others ( I am not advocating using violence with children, I have two lovely daughters, I only swatted one of them One time on the bottom).  Yet the reality of using physical violence was not foreign to Me.  My dear Mom was adamant that 'you never hit a woman'.  Yet D/s and the tug of alternative life pulled at Me, I knew early on I was not vanilla.  I attended RL classes, learned about limits, safe words, and the use of pain and pleasure.  Then I dated a RL maso, and the vestigial voice in My head would not let Me hurt her.  (more)

 

[16:24] TobyDarrow (TobyDarrow Resident): My next sub GF, was the key to unlock My sadism.  I shared with her about the prior sub GF--she said, it is not easy being a sadist.  I responded- I am not a sadist!  She replied any Man who likes rough sex, to pull a girls hair, and spank a girl is a sadist ( simplistic definition, yet what I needed to hear).  I whole heartedly sign on to Vanni's wise definition of physical and emotional sadism set out here.  My sub GF continued it is not a bad thing-sadist, it is a good thing.  I allow you to do these things because we have talked (negotiation), I trust you, I enjoy the mix of pain and pleasure you provide.  Let go of your vanilla thinking.  We then planned a 'scene' in a public dungeon with a Dungeon Master(s) and My RL sadist heart was enthralled - for the first time. (more)

 

[16:24] TobyDarrow (TobyDarrow Resident): I speak of all this to share how blessed I was: by the girl I could not hurt, and hence I did not honor her masochism, and by the bright sub girl who held up the mirror of why sadism/masochism works, when you do it correctly.. (done)

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli):   applauds!

 

[16:25] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): All wonderful, especially the part that I'm right! :P (kidding)

 

[16:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): But I think what you describe is what many newly-hatched sadists do feel...."How can I enjoy hitting a person when I was trained to NOT do this?"

 

[16:26] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): then it's realized the masochistic bottom WANTS it...badly.

 

[16:27] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): Thank you for sharing, Sir Toby

 

[16:27] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): so it's finding how to do this in a safe, sane and consensual manner

 

[16:27] TobyDarrow (TobyDarrow Resident): nods, exactly My 'training' was the opposite of how I truly feel

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I top in First Life and yeah the first couple times were more "I have to watch every step of this to NOT hurt the person" and they were like "more...harder..." lol

 

[16:28] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident):   smiles

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): and not that I like being tied down and spanked and my hair pulled ever...I think...*cough*

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): anyway....

 

[16:28] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Than ks so much for that Mr. Darrow!

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): all well said

 

[16:29] Liss (LissomePrey Resident):   nods

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): *lifts my coffee cup*

 

[16:29] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): You know what they say, Spare the rod spoil the masochist!

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): LOL!

 

[16:29] Ben Huntsman (Ben Huntsman): amen

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I ought to put that in my profile

 

[16:29] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I need to put that on a T-Shirt lol

 

[16:29] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): lol

 

[16:29] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): sparing the rod, actually tortures some masochists

 

[16:30] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): grins

 

[16:30] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Jamee you are up; please!

 

[16:30] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): I just wanted to offer some thoughts to the "Sadistic Personality Disorder." I understand the statement but that disorder, as an actual diagnosis in the DSM never made it beyond the consideration phase. It was removed from consideration because it was found to be more related to antisocial personality disorder and sexual sadism disorder in presentation. Both of which come with significant personal and interpersonal issues that have them rise to a level of disorder, mainly due to consent issues. As a clinical practitioner, I remember the DSM III-R having it in there but that it was pulled from the subsequent versions for reasons of the comorbidity with the two previously mentioned disorders being so high. Just adding context. #

 

[16:30] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks!

 

[16:31] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): So the person would be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder if they had those behaviors?

 

[16:31] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): *gets all tingly when JaMee and Vanni go Professional speak*  I love brilliant women :)

 

[16:33] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): the nuance of diagnosis of either antisocial personality disorder or sexual sadism disorder depends on much more than their engagement of sadism in practice. So I cannot answer that without far more information on the indivudal. Especially the personality disorder side, since the layers of that are very complex

 

[16:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Got it!

 

[16:33] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): thanks for that, good to have a clinician on board!

 

[16:34] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): kink friendly clinican to boot

 

[16:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): :)

 

[16:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Double wootz to that

 

[16:34] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Thanks so much! ♥

 

[16:34] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): very welcome

 

[16:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Mr. Huntsman passed so we will move on

 

[16:35] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): this next one is anonymous

 

[16:36] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): [09:35] Coffee Discussion Tracker: Anonymous message: I know of few masters who does not enjoy spanking a good ass and see the ass go red when he does. Flogging is a different area, but many subs like flogging and being tied up to feel that bondage.so in that sense most Masters are Saddist and for me

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I dunno who offered that but sure....everyone is different in how we approach S/M

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I like spanking a good ass, or a bad ass, or a mediocre ass....

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): My SL ass is pretty good but I'm biased :P

 

[16:37] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): spanking improves morale

 

[16:37] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I like spanking asses in general... Never met a ass that I didn't want to spank.

 

[16:37] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): q

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): hee hee

 

[16:37] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): go ahead Liss

 

[16:38] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): *Adds JaMee to his future Kinky Shirts team*

 

[16:39] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): Slightly off topic but as we have experience, how much does upbringing affect sadsim/masochism? For example Toby talked of Catholic connection with physical punishment and English ex-public schoolboys associate spanking with their formative sexual time (banned nowdays).

 

[16:40] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): socialization is key to how we develop...it's not "nature vs nurture" but "nature AND nurture"

 

[16:41] Jesseca Littlepaws (Jesseca Littlepaws):   "excuse me please, must break away"

 

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): even biological tendencies often if not in almost all cases require some environmental trigger to set off

 

[16:41] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): See you Jesseca, hi Passion

 

[16:42] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): Passion, to my feet

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Johan is typing

 

[16:43] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): (chat bubbles ftw!)

 

[16:44] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): I would ponder that it is still all individual.  For some, you may find that the use of corporal punishment helped make them a sadist OR masochist -  Others it may have created an aversion to it.  My father used to regular spank/paddle, etc..   I don't like being hit.   It never corrected my behavior it just made me 'go along until it was over'.   But, it also didn't make me averse of spanking in D/s, its just not something I enjoy (though I like the red bottoms/light bruises, the marks of my handiwork saying "I did a good job and my sub loved it!".       So while there is I am sure something to the "I was spanked as a kid, so now I spank"  I think thats more on the "We don't know any better because thats what we were taught" part of parenting vs. BDSM which is a sexual derived need/want/pleasure fulfillment?   but that is entirely me postulating.

 

[16:44] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): #done

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): every person is different so it's really not possible to say "a+b+c = behavior" with people, so I agree Johan

 

[16:45] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): kids raised in the same family can be highly divergent for example...OR similar....

 

[16:46] ღJαℳεε FαiЯeズαnȡeЯ Sαȿȿαƒґαȿღ  (JaMeeSassafras Fairelander): I have found that the trigger can vary, as can motivation. But trigger brings out something that was already in existence. Sexuality is complex and being both a sadist and a masochist, I can point to a trigger, a book, that introduced the concepts to me. Beauty series for those wondering. But also, there had to be something already in my brain for that trigger to turn on, activate. Now that's it's on, it isnt being turned off. But it had to exist somewhere in my brain, that hot damn and do it againt hing. The reward center plays a roll but so many other areas of brain processing all together play out to respond to that trigger

 

[16:46] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): 100% Jamee

 

[16:47] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): And, sorry to add.. I think it leads to a slippery slope that is often accused of those in the D/s lifestyle "You must have Daddy issues so now you enjoy being spanked and treated poorly" by those outside the community.

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Nature *and* nurture!

 

[16:47] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): thanks for the answers

 

[16:47] TobyDarrow (TobyDarrow Resident): Nods at Jamee's sharing

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): agreed Johan!

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): Anyone can be a great sadist...just as long as it sticks to SSC!

 

[16:47] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): any final comments?

 

[16:48] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): This was an AMAZING conversation - topic this weekend. Thank you Vanni!  Thank you JaMee!  Thank you everyone

 

[16:48] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): I just direct, the August Assembly is what makes it work!

 

[16:49] Johan Dark (WJohanW Resident): psshhh you had great insight as well!

 

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): :)

 

[16:49] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): It was very interesting, a lot of sharing, helpful ... thank you Vanessa

 

[16:49] Liss (LissomePrey Resident): Thanks all, these are always illuminating

 

[16:49] Rubria (RubriaDomus Resident): and E/everyone

 

[16:49] Vanessa Cannoli (Vanessa Cannoli): go forth and be kinky!